Sandcastles
by KikiOnHiatus
Summary: This story is inspired by Beyonce's Sandcastles song and dedicated to the women who've been hurt time and time again but chose to forgive (real life also inspired me). I hope you enjoy it! I do not own Scandal or its characters. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello and welcome! So I made a few minor changes to this story and I have to warn those that are faint of heart to proceed at your own risk because it will be angst-ridden. Oops... Anywho, I hope you enjoy this story that is heavily inspired by Beyonce's Sandacastles song.**

 **Sandcastles**

 _The beginning of the End?_

The pain... intense and burning inside of her chest left her wounded on the floor of her closet as she held onto the broken remnants of her heart. This was heartbreak in its purest form. The quiet moments when their hearts synchronized and played the same beautiful melody seemed so fabricated now. The heartfelt 'I love you's' materialized into an intonation without much value. She doesn't care that her makeup is a mess and her nose is running, even the disheveled designer clothes she wore couldn't get more than a second thought of consideration. Her mind kept replaying his words over and over "I'm sorry, Livvie. It was just one time and I'm so, so sorry. This was not supposed to happen but we were on the outs and… I was weak… it was just one time and I'm sorry." The look on his face was one of devastation as he confessed his sins to his girlfriend of five years. His blue eyes had filled to the brim with tears, as he looked up at her crestfallen face from his kneeled position in front of her.

 _The past and the future merged to meet them there_

Although his confession had been shocking her intuition had been ringing alarms for the past few weeks; his normal jovial personality turned one closely resembling stooge. The petty fights started and the longer hugs he would give before they both left for work in the morning should've told her everything but like most women in love, she chose to ignore the inner alarm system designed by God to alert her of impending trouble. But she couldn't ignore it any longer when she was faced with cold, hard realism.

 _The past and future merged to meet them there_

A deep soul-shattering, ear-piercing cry escaped her lips; the numbness from the pain slowly took over her entire being, as she rocked herself in the fetal position. An hour earlier, she was so heated with anger that her hand didn't hesitate to slap his face when he disclosed his failures. What happened after, were minutes of screaming and cussing and more slapping as she told him where to carry his apology. When that didn't produce the outcome she was looking for she began grabbing pictures and ornamental figurines that decorated their modern chic penthouse.

 _Dishes smashed on my counter from our last encounter_

 _Pictures snatched out the frame_

He had gotten the message loud and clear when he'd taken cover behind the half wall separating their foyer from their living room. "Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out!" she screamed until her voice cracked under the strain. Her exterior had begun to break while he stood there with the pain marring his handsome face. She wanted him gone before a single tear could fall onto her high cheekbones. She wanted him gone for she didn't trust herself not to comfort him. She hated herself for even thinking of putting him first in the midst of her brokenness. Pain caused by him! What was it about him that she couldn't erase? Broken eyes regarded the man who was supposed to be hers and hers alone. How could he have betrayed her by giving himself to another? The betrayal had cut so deep that she felt her soul splitting. His incessant atonements and recompenses did nothing to remove the elephant-sized weight pressing down upon her chest. Looking at him with fiery eyes and a frantically beating heart she had made her exit out of the living room – she had had enough of his pleas – and dashed straight to their shared master bedroom – sure to lock the door after she was securely in. The large room did little to provide comfort to her as her eyes pocketed the familiar space that they'd share for the last three and a half years. The penthouse had been sort of a marriage ceremony between them when they purchased it together. Although they didn't believe in marriage they were perfectly fine with cohabitation. For most of their shared time living it had been great right up until a few months ago when their schedules had become increasingly busy and the pressure of their various professions took a lot from them, which wasn't odd, but for some reason, this time was different. There were some communication issues they had left unsolved for too long but she thought it would be fixed, eventually... As soon as things got slow again they were going to fix it. They were fixable. That was her thought process never expecting to be cheated on… She believed that what they had would've been strong enough to withstand the incessant advances of a certain colleague.

 _Every promise don't work out that way_

The pain intense and burning left her wounded on the floor of her closet; her heart was broken by the man she'd chosen to give it to on their second date. He'd broken his promise to love her always. Their love story was supposed to be different and uniquely them, untainted by the sins of this world. But every promise doesn't work out that way… She'd felt pain before but nothing of this magnitude. She didn't know how she could move on from this. Would her heart be strong enough to forgive or strong enough to walk away?

 _Show me your scars and I won't walk away_

The low creak of the door to her closet startled her and she looked up to see him through hazy eyes. Of course, he'd used his keys. The tip of his nose was red and his blue eyes bleary but the message in his eyes was clear. It was seeking forgiveness. She hated herself when she saw the man she loved that she still loves there. She loathed herself even more because in that moment she realized that she wasn't strong enough to walk away.

 _Show me your scars and I won't walk away_

His body drew close to hers and this time, she allowed him; the man that brought her pain held her and comforted her.

 _Every promise doesn't work out that way_

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	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: Olivia is still reeling in the aftermath of Fitz's betrayal.**

It has been two days, two whole days, since her world had turned upside down. It felt like an alien had invaded her body. Sleeping and waking up next to the man who brought her pain didn't provide her haunted mind much comfort despite knowing his heart was remorseful. She was angry. Very angry with him for what he did. He broke them; broke her and she didn't know what to do about that. Should she tell someone or keep it bottled up? It was easier if the latter was done.

Since the incident she hadn't spoken to any of her friends or family, too afraid that they would hear the hurt in her voice and she wasn't ready to divulge such a secret as yet, if ever. Fitz was the golden boy in their eyes. For her father to even like him as a son while he was shacking up with his daughter was a huge feat in and of itself. With two daughters, two years apart, Marley Pope didn't play any games where they were concerned. He raised them to be strong and fearless women, providing and expecting nothing but the best for them – starting with their education and ending with their emotional well-being. He was concerned that his baby girls were happy and treated right and Fitz, for the most part, did that successfully up until now.

She needed to get her mind right and figure out her next move. Their next move. Sadly, that was easier wished than done as her mind continued to race with questions she did not have answers for. As Olivia stared through the floor length window of their high-rise penthouse apartment in a daze, she realized that she couldn't spend another night at home wondering what she did wrong to deserve such pain. Wondering if something about her pushed him to cheat? What was it? Her mind questioned over and over. _Am I not good enough?_ She was never one to question her self-worth ever since she was 12-years-old and came home from school in tears because some girls made fun of her ebony coily locs. Her mother, Celine Pope, made her sit in front of a vanity mirror and had her recite "I am beautiful and wonderfully made" over and over till she believed it. But now, in her thirty-sixth year, she was questioning if she was. Because if she was her boyfriend of five plus years wouldn't have cheated on her with his leggy blonde secretary, right? Olivia knew she was driving herself crazier with these thoughts and that was all she had done for the past two days since she'd called out sick from work. She couldn't fathom going through an entire day in her current emotional state without her normal stoic image cracking in front of her coworkers. Heartaches constituted as sickness, right? The pain it brought was immeasurable to mind, body and soul.

Sighing for what felt like the tenth time within a space of a minute, she continued her mindless observation of the other high rise buildings in her view. Some were much higher than hers while some were lower, affording her a clear view of the Hudson River. From a distance, she could see boats dotting the river as they made their way across the gray water. She needed to get out of here, her mind reminded. Luckily, she knew just who to call.

* * *

Olivia's driver dropped her off at her sister's apartment building around 5 PM. When her sister, Nicole, opened her door the two embraced as though they had not seen each other a few days earlier for their customary Sunday brunch, back when things were fine between her and Fitz. It was just the way they greeted each other. She reveled in the comfort of her sister's long thin arms, fighting the urge to spill her guts on the spot.

"I was beginning to wonder if your phone got lost or stolen or sumthin'. Luckily, Fitz said you've been busy," Nicole stated casually, leading the way to her living room as though her sister's disappearance was normal. Olivia followed observing her sister's lab coat on the floor, which meant she had come in late from the hospital because that was the only way she would ever leave it in the middle of the floor like that.

"When did you talk to Fitz?" Olivia questioned, hoping that she didn't sound too eager. It wasn't uncommon for her sister and boyfriend to have phone conversations occasionally but with the way things currently were between them she was just surprised that he had spoken to her sister recently. But then again no one else knew what was going on between them. Well, except for his skanky secretary. Olivia exhaled loudly to forcefully push that unwanted thought out of her head and luckily, her sister responded at that moment serving as a timely distraction.

"Yea, earlier today. Anywho, so how come you're home?" That was Nicole all right, to move things right along. She was always in her own bubble so sometimes it was hard for her to see something amiss unless it was on her face.

Olivia simply shrugged her shoulder and said, "using up all those rolled over vacation hours. Speaking of which, I need a drink! Can't be on a vacay" she gestured air quotes "without a drink."

Nicole smiled, "speaking my kind of language. I need one just as much as you."

"Rough shift?" Olivia moseyed over to the expansive wine collection in the built-in wine cellar at the side of her sister's pantry, which was bigger than the pantry itself.

"You won't even believe it." She sighed and began a detailed summary of her busy 15-hours shift working in the trauma ward. Olivia hung on to every word she spoke as it served as a much-needed distraction from her personal life.

* * *

A few hours later...

Olivia was already pretty tipsy and they hadn't even arrived at the upscale bar and lounge, thanks to her sister. With her doing most of the talking Olivia did most of the drinking as she casually tossed out an "mmhmm " or an "uh-huh" every so often. She had a valid excuse for her premature intoxication. The alcohol numbed her pain and made her somewhat feel like her normal self.

"Here, put this on, pleaseeee!" Olivia said giddily, pushing her iPhone through the partition opening of the town car.

"What song is that?" Nicole asked, finding her normally put together sister's tipsy demeanor very funny. Normally, that was her job being the youngest and free spirit. Even when she went to Med School and her sister became a Fashion Editor their roles have never switched. But tonight she was seeing a different side of her that was both funny and mildly concerning. However, this Olivia was so much fun so she was going to let it slide.

"Beyoncé's new album!" Olivia chuckled as though it was the funniest thing in the world as she threw her head back onto the leather backrest and started gyrating her hips to the slow classical music that was still coming through the speakers.

"I don't know what Fitz is doing to you but he needs to pull back some. Have you out here acting a damn fool," Nicole joked but Olivia groaned.

"Please… Please don't say his name. Tonight is about us having fun. Ok?"

Her statement raised a bright red flag in Nicole's mind because anyone who knew her sister knows that she was never one to pass up on an opportunity to speak about her man. Sometimes to the point where she had to tell her to shut up because it was nauseating. Her statement didn't sound right to Nicole but she gave her a cool "ok."

* * *

The upscale bar was moderately full seeing that it was only early in the evening and most club goers had yet to leave their homes. Nevertheless, Olivia and Nicole were having a good time dancing and drinking the night away. The second glass of their bartender-suggested cocktail left both ladies feeling limber and airy.

The perfect song was playing too, as it reflected Olivia's mood in light of recent happenings. All day Fitz had called her phone but she wasn't in the mood to speak to him. She needed a moment where she wasn't thinking about him or remembering his betrayal.

 _He trying to roll me up (I ain't sorry)_

 _I ain't picking up (I ain't sorry)_

 _Headed to the club (I ain't sorry)_

 _I ain't thinking 'bout you (I ain't sorry)_

 _Sorry, I ain't sorry_

 _Sorry, I ain't sorry_

 _I ain't sorry_

She wasn't sorry that she was ignoring him. She wasn't sorry that he had no idea where she was. By now he probably thinks she had left him and she should've; it was the sane thing to do even if it was the most difficult. She had to admit that the mere thought of doing so pained her because not being with him, hurts more than his unfaithfulness. What does that say about her? She wondered as she tried to lose herself in the music. Was she that stupid and weak? She felt stupid and weak, she concluded.

As Beyonce's vocal cords continued blaring through the speakers in seamless harmony, Olivia was having a blast pretending that Fitz was standing in front of her as she did what the music instructed and held both middle fingers up above her head while swaying in time to the beat.

"tell 'em, boys, bye"

But then, a strong pair of arms grabbed her from behind, breaking her flow just as her sister's wide expressive eyes could alert her of the intruder. On a regular night, she would've pushed him away but tonight wasn't a regular night so she continued dancing but this time on the stranger with the large hands to her sister's befuddlement. She didn't even want to see his face because if she did, she would feel guilty for dancing with another man. The irony that such a small act would make her feel unfaithful and would no doubt enrage Fitz had he been there. He disliked when other men looked at her with interest moreover touching her. The thought made her snicker. This wasn't her, all right... but this wasn't them either, but yet, there they were.

Now at the bar, the sisters were nursing two mojitos while they fought off the attention of unwanted suitors swarming them. Nicole was on a man cleanse so she wasn't the slightest interested in the likes of any of them; she had no problem turning them down. Olivia, on the other hand, had finally gotten rid of her dance partner a few minutes prior who was actively trying to buy her a drink and get her number but after several polite attempts of telling him she wasn't interested, Nicole, not so politely told him that she was taken and he finally backed off, in which Olivia had to resist the urge to snuff at. She wanted to say that she didn't belong to anyone despite knowing that would be a lie.

"What's going on with you tonight?" Nicole asked above the music, seeing her sister already signaling the bartender for a new drink while her current one was still half full was worrying. Something had to be bothering her.

"What you mean?" Olivia was purposely being obtuse, even in her very tipsy state of mind she knew what her sister was getting at. This loud, drinking till she was stupid drunk and dancing with strange men wasn't her.

"Don't let me spell it out because I will." Nicole quirked a perfectly waxed eyebrow at her sister but she rolled her eyes in annoyance, which didn't deter Nicole from saying, "you, dancing with strange men for one -"

Taking a sip from the short black straw in her drink, Olivia swallowed the fruit flavored liquor before returning haughtily, "What's wrong with that? It's not like I'm going to fuck him!"

"That may be true. But since when do you dance with strange men, Miss. Drunk in Love?"

Olivia rolled her eyes again and proceeded to take another sip of her drink. She knew she was being rude to her sister when she didn't deserve it. Before she could apologize she felt her phone vibrating in her purse, again. She already knew who it was. That was probably the tenth time he had called for the night and she still wasn't going to answer. He should've known by now not to waste his time calling.

After sipping the last of her drink, Olivia got up slowly onto her stiletto clad feet and placed her hand on the side of the bar top to steady herself before announcing, "I'm going to the restroom. Watch my purse please." Without waiting for a response from Nicole she handed over the small black quilted Chanel purse and retreated towards the bathroom area.

Meanwhile, at the bar, Nicole was still trying to figure out what was wrong with her sister. Usually, when her sister called to hang out she couldn't stop rambling about what has been going on in her life. Contrarily to how she had been behaving since she arrived at her place hours ago. If she wasn't scowling she was drinking and if she wasn't drinking she was dancing and singing loudly and she was a very self-conscious singer. Something wasn't right and she was determined to get to the bottom of it before the night ended. Her sister could be a closed reservoir when she got ready but she was going to pull it out of her. The incessant buzzing from the inside of the black quilted purse caught her attention and she opened it to retrieve the phone, quickly realizing that it was Fitz calling from the caller ID. With the music blaring in the background, it made it very difficult for her to hear so she grabbed their stuff and moved towards the bathroom stalls where it was much quieter.

"Hey," she greeted, finally accepting his call before it went to voicemail.

"Olivia," his voice came over desperate and filled with anguish.

"No, it's Nicole, Fitz," she returned.

"Oh. Where's Livvie?" He asked immediately, trying to mask his disappointment.

Although slightly put off by his brusqueness she replied nonetheless, "she's in the - wait, she's right here," she restated when the door to the women's bathroom revealed her sister's svelte figure. "Hold on." Thrusting the gold phone in her hand towards her sister, she joked, "Your nontraditional hubby is tracking you down."

Immediately, Olivia felt a chill run down her spine at the mention of Fitz's name. Then anger flared up because she didn't want to speak to him and she didn't want to have to answer any questions from her sister when she ended his call. She ended the call regardless. She would rather her sister's interrogation over speaking to him.

"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you tonight?" Nicole had had it with her sister's attitude and she needed to find out what was going on. Somehow she knew that it all stemmed down to Fitz. That much was obvious. But what did he do? That was the mystery.

"Don't want to talk about it," Olivia said with finality in her voice before making her way back to the bar area where she was sure to drown more of her sorrows. She needed to take off the edge of his last phone call. She needed to forget his betrayal. _Him..._

* * *

The sparkling lights of New York City reflected on the heavily tinted window of the private car as it transported the two sisters back to Nicole's Brooklyn home. Half an hour earlier, Nicole had to almost physically wrestle her sister out of the bar before she'd put herself in a liquor-induced coma. Since the phone call incident with Fitz, Nicole had purposefully cut herself off from drinking so that she could keep a watchful eye out for her sister seeing that she wasn't her usual self. Now that they were in the safety of the town car, her sister was having an emotional meltdown. She was sobbing so loudly that it scared the bejeezus out of Nicole. Her mind and intuition couldn't stop telling her that something was terribly wrong with her older sister but she still didn't know what. Taking both of her hands in hers, Nicole probed gently, "Tell me what's wrong, Liv?" She watched as she started to speak but then a hiccup interrupted her words. She was a blubbering mess between slurring her words and the hiccups, so it was very hard understanding what she was saying.

But then she said, "Fitz cheated on me," and Nicole was able to hear that clearly, too clearly. A chill took over her body as she grasped what her inebriated sister confessed. "HE WHAT! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Nicole bellowed, which only made Olivia cry harder – snot running down her nose and her makeup smeared as she remembered. "When? How? With who?" Nicole's mind was reeling as she couldn't comprehend that Fitz, the guy who kisses the ground her sister walks on, would ever think about cheating on her moreover doing so.

Olivia removed her hands from her sister's strong grip and brought it to her face as a form of self-preservation. It was just too much for her to share, to handle. She felt naked and the pain was too real. The nice tipsy high she got from the alcohol was long gone and now she was faced with the emotional upheaval of drunkenness and her tongue was plagued with a drunk man's honesty so she couldn't resist pouring out her heart to her sister in a moment of vulnerability. She told Nicole what he'd told her that it happened a few weeks ago while he was on a business trip with his secretary and how he said he was tipsy when it happened and that as soon as she started performing oral sex on him, he stopped and they didn't finish because he realized what he was doing and promised that was the only sexual thing they'd done.

"So is the bitch still working with him?" Nicole asked, interrupting her.

"I don't know, I didn't ask," Olivia confessed, she was too heartbroken to even think so far. It was already painful listening to him recount what had transpired. But sooner or later she was going to move out of the pain and would have to confront him with these questions. But for now, she was just trying to forget it ever happened. She was in the stage of disbelief and anger.

"So what are you going to do?" Nicole's voice was laced with anger and pain, empathizing with her sister. For all the bad relationships she had seen her sister go through in the past, she finally thought that she was in good hands with Fitz. It was a shame that she thought wrong.

"I don't know," Olivia admitted somberly. Right now what she wanted, was to forget. Because if she forgot what happened she won't feel pain.

Nicole enveloped her into a hug and held her tightly. "I'm here for you. You'll get through this," she promised and she was going to see that she did. For all the time her sister has had her back now was the time for her to return the favor, and she would, without fail.

x

In the city that never sleeps, it was never fully quiet even in the dead of night. Olivia woke around two feeling groggy, her throat was dry and a dull headache was ever present in the dimly lit room. She looked to the nightstand for the glass of water she had vaguely remembered her sister putting there while she helped her get ready for bed. Seeing that it was indeed there she sat up and grabbed it. After taking a long gulp of water, Olivia returned the glass onto the nightstand. Even in the wee hours of the morning the strong reminder of why she was sleeping in her sister's guest room haunted her. She needed a mental distraction. Her powered off phone was also on the nightstand so she retrieved it and held down the power button to turn it on. Her plan was to lose herself in a game of Fruit Ninja, also, bracing herself for the barrage of missed calls and text messages that he was sure to leave. And she wasn't wrong. The minute her phone regained signal the notifications kept popping in and she did her best to navigate to the game app without clicking on any of it.

Five minutes into swiping fruits with her right index finger her mind had already wandered towards him. She was itching to know what he had been up to while simultaneously not wanting to. Subsequently, her curiosity got the best of her and she exited out of the gaming app and clicked on the messaging one. She observed messages from her assistant, her mom, even Nicole had sent her a text from yesterday that she hadn't opened and some from her friends. She ignored those and clicked on the five unopened text messages from him.

 **From: HoneyBun, Friday 10:02 AM:** Hey, I was wondering if we can go out for dinner? Any place you want, even that weird sushi place, lol. I love you more than everything in this world, Livvie.

 **From: HoneyBun, Friday 12:55 PM:** You didn't answer your phone. Let me know about dinner.

 **From: HoneyBun, Friday 2:38 PM:** Babe, I'm getting worried now. Call me or text me let me now you're ok. If dinner is too soon, I understand. Just let me know you are good.

 **From: HoneyBun, Friday 6:30 PM:** I guess that's a no for dinner then? As much as it sucks I understand. It's my fault. At home and you're not here. Where are you?

 **From: HoneyBun, Saturday 12:45 AM:** I know you probably need some space right now and I understand but please come home. Our home is not the same without you. I love you and I'm so very sorry for what I did. Please give me another chance to fix this. I promise to fix it. Whatever you need me to do I will do it.

It wasn't until the very last text that she allowed the tears to fall. Realizing that he had texted her a little over an hour ago was comforting to know he couldn't sleep either. Maybe, after all, they could fix this. Build a more fortified foundation for their relationship. As she laid in the semi-dark room, holding onto the sleek smartphone, her emotions assailed her senses.

A few hours later after she had cried herself to sleep and had awoken, she felt significantly lighter. She didn't know whether it had to do with the sunlight streaming through the window or the fact that she could smell her sister's famous French toast from the kitchen. Or, it probably had to do with waking up without a hangover. Whichever Supreme Being that was out there was looking out for her and had probably felt sympathy towards her seeing that she already had so much on her plate. She was grateful. So after relieving her bladder, she washed her face and brushed her teeth with the spare toothbrush in the guest bathroom and gotten redressed in the pair of navy blue jeans and white T-shirt that she'd worn on her way over to her sister's, she finally made her way to the kitchen where Nicole was just finishing up their breakfast. Kissing her cheek good morning, she fell in stride and helped with plating the bacon and eggs and pouring the fresh orange juice into two 8oz. glasses. Once they were finished, the sisters moved to the small dining room table that sat four and enjoyed a quiet breakfast.

"What time do you have to go to work?" Olivia asked, trying to make small talk, stalling the inevitable conversation that she was sure to be having before breakfast was over.

"I called out," Nicole stated matter-of-factly, continuing to stare at her sister who was acting as though she didn't confess something huge to her last night.

"Why did you do that?" Olivia asked in between sips of her orange juice, knowing that was probably unwise since she had a very important job.

"You know why. So what do you want to do today?" Nicole continued to ask instead of elaborating on why she chose to call out from work. It was self-explanatory, really…

"That's not necessary, Nicole. You didn't have to do that." Nicole simply shrugged her silk covered shoulders. "Besides, I have this gala to attend tonight for Fitz's parents' annual fundraiser for their non-profit organization."

"Do you need me to go as your plus one?" Nicole questioned.

Olivia hoped her sister was joking but the serious expression on her face told her she wasn't. Exhaling, she covered her face with her right hand and closed her eyes for a brief second before reopening them to address the elephant in the room. She needed to clear the air before her sister ran off with the wrong idea. So she began, "I remembered what I said last night and I honestly didn't want anyone to know. This is something I wanted to handle just between Fitz and me. I'm sorry I dragged you in."

Nicole was hurt that she didn't intentionally entrust her pain into her hands but she did her best to hide it. It wasn't about her, she reminded herself. "So, you expected us not to ask you anything when you broke up with him?

Olivia sighed before carefully answering, "I am not breaking up with him. We're going to work this out." Even as she said it she felt tears threatening to shroud her eyes. It was easier said than done. The road before seemed so intimidating.

"What do you mean you are not breaking up? Liv, are you crazy? He cheated on you! Hello! Do you remember your ex who did the same thing?"

Olivia sucked in a deep breath as the unpleasant reminder of the last guy she had dated before Fitz who had cheated on her. Honestly, she was more relieved than hurt when he did because she saw the expiration date on that relationship even before she had checked in. But with Fitz, it was much more complicated and different. She couldn't resolve herself to walk away and throw away all that they had built even though he had treated it carelessly with his foolish action.

"You're not going to understand," Olivia started evenly. "I love Fitz, I'm in love with him and I don't see that stopping anytime soon. He's remorseful for his action and he's willing to fight to repair us and as painful as it is right now, I'm going to let him."

"I can't believe you right now!" Nicole rose abruptly from her seat and started shaking her head at her older sister as she grabbed their dirty dishes. "It's like all the things you've been through is for nothing. I can't believe you're gonna let him walk all over you like you're some stupid chick. Come the fuck on, sis!"

Olivia also rose from her seat; disliking the tone her sister was talking to her in. "I'm not letting anyone walk over me! It is my choice to make! And quite frankly, I am done discussing this! Like I said, this is between me and Fitz," she stated defensively. "And I'll appreciate if you tell no one about it, including mom and dad." She could almost kick herself for getting so drunk last night and admitting things that she would later regret.. It wasn't that she didn't trust her sister she just didn't want to have to deal with the fall out of them falling out with Fitz while they were trying to repair their relationship. In her mind, it would be a whole lot easier if it was just between the two of them.

* * *

An hour later, when she was just about to leave her sister's apartment, Nicole surprised her when she hugged her goodbye and told her that she would keep it between them but she wasn't promising _not_ to kick Fitz's ass when she sees him. Olivia sighed in relief before finally leaving for home, mentally thinking that she would join in on the ass kicking too.

* * *

After beating the late morning traffic rush, she arrived home a little after ten. The penthouse was quiet but she knew Fitz was home as his set of keys was in the soul bowl at the entrance of their living room when she dropped hers into it. She took in the sparsely decorated room. It looked almost unlivable even though a few days ago broken glass littered the floor.

After depositing her overnight bag in the laundry room, she made her way to their master suite steeling herself for what was to come. Does she explain to him where she was for the better part of a day? Did he deserve to even know? On one hand, she was like no and on the other, she thought it was best to loop him in? After all, she had promised to give him another chance, right? Despite her words in the closet, she felt like going the silent route. Make him suffer. He deserves to suffer.

But, when she first got into the expansive room he was nowhere to be found until she heard the shower running through the slightly ajar door. She moved stealthily towards the bathroom door so that she could observe him undetected. From her vantage point, she could see his muscular silhouette through the fiberglass door of the walk in shower. He was currently washing out the shampoo from his hair, most likely hers, because according to him it smelt really nice and left his hair super soft and shiny. She always threatened to fight him over it but now a little shampoo paled significantly to what they were dealing with.

"Fuck!" Olivia almost jumped out of her skin when Fitz cursed aloud. Her heart was beating rapidly inside of the walls of her chest cavity at his unexpected outburst. "Fuckin' idiot!" This time, he didn't only curse but slammed his palms against the tile wall of their bathroom. Her heart was now in her throat as she watched him through the slightly open door – through the fiberglass wall and steam, her vision was mostly obscured but she was still able to make out his gestures. She watched as he began repeatedly slamming his palms against the wall. The action creating frightening echoes in the room. "Fuckin' stupid idiot!" His voice cracked as he continued chanting his self-directed rebukes, verbally reprimanding himself. Over and over he continued to chastise himself until his exterior cracked and a loud wail escaped his lips and he burst into tears. The scene made Olivia extremely emotional because not too often did she hear him cry. A hand swiftly covered her mouth to stop the sob threatening to escape violently from her throat. Standing stock-still at the bathroom door she debated whether or not to go in…

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	3. Chapter 3

**Summary: Fitz reveals why he was unfaithful and an unknown person who will not be seen again entertains Olivia.**

She couldn't take it anymore. The sound of his tears beckoned her heart like a beggar on a cold winter night, seeking shelter from the harsh cold seeping into their bones. The choice was hers to make. Should she give into his silent plea or walk away pretending like it didn't exist? It was easier if her feet did the latter. But before she knew what she was doing she had opened the door to the bathroom and her feet betraying, led her in.

Fully clothed sans her ballet flats, she entered into the bathroom with him. To offer… comfort? She wasn't sure of that, but her body seemed to be behaving on its own accord – acting on its own volition. It wasn't until she wrapped her arms around his waist that he realized that he wasn't alone any longer. The action initially startled him but once realization set it, he pulled her in into his arms – bringing her under the lukewarm fountain with him. His tears continued to flow. For minutes, hours, a millennium they stayed like this unmovable. If she closed her eyes tight enough and hold him tighter she could almost forget his betrayal. She could almost picture that her heartache was at the hands of someone else and he was comforting her. It was funny how the heart can twist things in its favor, have you believe what you want to believe instead of what was factual.

From being so close to him an unexplainable urge took over Olivia to prove herself, her soaked body became flushed and she was beginning to feel warm and fuzzy in places that she shouldn't feel, given the circumstance. Acting purely on emotions, she brought his face down to hers and began kissing him. She pressed her lips onto his and forced his mouth open with her tongue. Nothing about the kiss was gentle.

Fitz was confused with her actions and tried to pull away but she held him tightly as she continued to assault his lips with her own. When that wasn't enough, she pried her mouth away from his and dropped unceremoniously onto her knees, taking a hold of his manhood with her right hand and began stroking him slowly. On the inside, she felt like she was drowning and was trying to hold on to anything that would save her, save them – to discover something that would help her understand and make sense of the situation. She was desperate… so she gave more of herself when she shouldn't have to.

"Liv, what are you doing?" Fitz asked in a much more alert frame of mind. He was confused that one moment they were crying in each other's arms and then another she was trying to go down on him.

"Isn't this what you want?" she asked sincerely, looking up at him while her hand continued to stroke his hardening length. Despite how awkward the situation was she was relieved to see that she could still arouse him.

"Liv. Baby, don't do this," he pleaded gently, pulling back from her. The water from the shower had completely drenched her, making her clothes cling to her skin. The outline of her nipples was pressing tightly against her white T-shirt.

His rejection stung and she barked. "What's wrong? Don't you like the way I suck your cock? Is this why you cheated on me?"

He stared at her blankly but said nothing.

Seeing his refusal to entertain her advances or questions, Olivia rose from her knees before he could wound her any further and slapped him. "Tell me, Fitz! Don't I satisfy your needs?" She stared unwaveringly into his bloodshot eyes as he held onto his stinging cheek.

Instead of answering her, she watched as he shut off the water they'd had running wastefully and stepped out of the shower. She followed behind. He grabbed a fluffy white towel from their towel warmer and hand it to her while grabbing another to conceal his nakedness. Once he was modest enough he finally answered. "You satisfy me plenty." Even to his own ears, he had to know how weak that sounded even though it was probably the truth. But in light of recent revelations, it sounded like a weak lie.

A humorless chuckle escaped Olivia's lips. It was unbelievable what her life had become, really… Never has she felt more off kilter. She felt every emotion course through her being. She had no response to his answer so she began peeling off the wet clothes that clung to her skin. Silently, she watched him as she undressed physically; simultaneously putting on layers to cover her emotionally. The hole in her heart grew.

x

 _A few hours later…_

Normally, she would've called her hairstylist over when she had a big event to attend. But tonight Olivia had taken the extra time to sit in front of her vanity to do her own hair and makeup. She needed the time alone with her thoughts but it wasn't doing any good. The scrutiny in which she studied her reflection almost made her pity herself, until a phone call from her mother had pulled her out of her stupor. Speaking to the woman who had carried her for nine months and raised her for 18 years gave her back a sense of self and who she was. She prided herself as a warrior, a shrewd businesswoman, a good sister, caring daughter, loving partner and loyal friend. That was whom she was and she wasn't going to let his infidelity define her. With that mental burst of energy, Olivia felt better than she had in days.

As she studied her finish look in the mirror, she held her head a little bit higher. The front of her hair was French braided into a crown while her remaining hair fell down her shoulders in waves that the heated wand created. Her face was neutrally made up save for her scarlet red lips. It was her secret weapon in the muted look.

From the vanity, she moved into her walk in closet that she was adamant to have, given the space of their 3-bedroom apartment. She stood observing rows and rows of designer clothes hanging neatly in color-coordinated blocks and season before settling on the lone garment bag hanging in between her formal dresses. She grabbed the bag and unzipped it, revealing a charcoal Amsale gown. Gauzy tulle was deftly shirred and wrapped around the illusion-shoulder bodice and through the hips to create a flattering dimension on this demure mermaid gown and was finished with a diaphanous floor-brushing flare. It wasn't usually her style but the minute she had first tried it on she knew that it would've worked well for this evening. At least that was one thing that will.

Thirty-five minutes later, she was ready. Grabbing the beaded purse from her purse rack, she made her exit.

x

 _Fitz's POV_

He was alerted to her presence by the clicking sound of her heels against the hardwood floors of their apartment. Rising up from his seat from the pastel colored couch in their sitting room, he was afforded a clear view of her outfit. She looked incredibly astonishing despite the twinkle in her eyes was missing. Clearing his throat, he said, "You look beautiful." And she really did but the look she gave him was one of disbelief. He wondered if she was going to question everything he said from now. Probably… It was selfish of him to hope not when he so much deserved it. He'd fucked everything up, but he so desperately prayed and hope that he could fix it. Fix them.

"I'm ready to leave," she said instead of acknowledging his compliment. It stung but he shook it off. Fitz nodded before grabbing hold of the tumbler and took the last mouthful of bourbon.

"George is already curbside," he relayed before returning the glass to the coffee table and making his way towards the foyer. He grabbed his bunch of keys from the soul bowl and placed it into his tuxedo pocket while waiting for her to walk over. He watched as she took her time walking in what seems to be four or five-inch heels. She truly looked breathtaking in the close-fitting gown.

His mind wandered to his misconduct. What was he thinking jeopardizing his relationship with a queen for a few minutes of fun? Looking back it wasn't worth it, even while it was happening. Back then, he wasn't fully himself but it was no excuse in retrospect. He did wrong and he really hoped that she would be generous to give him another chance. He knew he brought her pain but he wanted the opportunity to take it away.

They walked in silence to the elevator, rode down in it without a single word uttered until they met up with their driver who greeted them "good evening," to which they both replied "good evening, George". Now, on their way to the Ritz hotel, they sat inches apart in the backseat of the car. His stomach roiled at the distance that seemed to grow each minute. He felt helpless, frustrated and angry at himself and at the situation he created.

The drive seemed to have been quick or because his mind was so riddled with thoughts he had lost a sense of time. George came around and opened their door. Fitz was the first to exit and he stood at the door waiting with an extended hand to help Olivia out. Surprisingly, she had placed her hand in his. What was even more shocking was the wide smile she was wearing. His heart leaped at the sight and without much thought, he connected his lips with her right cheek. He quickly realized he'd misread her countenance because the low "don't kiss me" that escaped her lips spoke contrarily to her smile. His back stiffened at the realization that this was all an act. Feeling so disheartened he just wanted to go home but how could he suggest that when he was at fault. He had to suck it up and deal with it. Fuckin' idiot, his conscience berated for the thousandth time.

The Grand Ballroom was transformed into a modern day classical space for Manhattan's elite. Beautiful chandeliers graced the high-rise ceiling while crisp white tablecloths covered the many circular tables that seat eight. Beautiful white Ecuadorian roses filed the centerpieces with gold utensils accessorizing. The room was tastefully decorated so it was no surprise that the attendees followed suit with their getups. Fitz escorted Olivia on his arm as they kept up the happy charade. They stopped and talked with a few people along the way before finally making their way to their assigned table at the front of the room where a small stage was.

Upon arriving there, "Olivia!" Fitz's mom called out. He watched as his willowy tall mother embraced his petite girlfriend. The two always had a nice relationship so it was always a pleasure to see them interact. In the meantime the ladies were catching up, Fitz greeted his father with a hug.

"You look good, son," his father said, patting him on the back and Fitz mumbled a thank you.

For the next few minutes, Fitz greeted his grandparents who were also in attendance and his Aunt Julie and her husband, David. Olivia did the same before they all took their seats when the speaker announced that they were ready to begin.

 _Olivia's POV_

As the evening progressed, she was feeling her façade slipping away. She was tired of pretending that everything was all right when it wasn't. After the dance floor was opened, she excused herself under the pretext of a bathroom break. Instead, she made her way out onto the balcony for some much-needed fresh air. Although the room swarmed with laughter she felt the furthest thing from laughing. How could she laugh when her heart was literally being held together by the thinnest of strings?

Alone on the balcony, she found herself finally being able to breathe again. Sitting next to Fitz all night and pretending that everything was fine between them was painfully difficult. She almost regretted coming. However, she resolved that she did the right thing by coming to support his parents. They were good people and if only for them, she would put aside her hurt feelings.

The sound of the door being opened interrupted her thoughts but she didn't turn around. Already bracing herself for who it might be.

"Thought I would find you out here," the unfamiliar voice made her turn around. At first, she thought it was going to be Fitz but surprisingly, a handsomely dressed man with an accent and blonde curly hair stood, smiling at her.

She wasn't in the mood for company but she replied, anyway, "And, why would you think that?"

"Because you looked like you needed escaping."

Olivia fought the urge to roll her eyes at his pompous assumption, albeit it was true. Humoring him, she asked, "and what does one who needs escaping looks like?"

"Bored. Distracted. Spaced out. Disinterested. Shall I go on?" he smiled, revealing pearly white teeth.

"That'll do." She gave him a tight smile before turning back to watch the traffic below. However, her guest wasn't easily dismissed because he walked closer to where she was and said, "I'm Michael," while proffering his right hand.

Olivia glanced at him and at his hand for a few seconds before finally taking it. "Nice to meet you, Michael," she returned without offering her name.

"And your name is?" Michael was relentless in trying to get her attention for more than a few seconds.

"Doesn't matter," Olivia mumbled, diverting her attention again to the traffic below.

"Ok, what if I tell you a joke and make you laugh; then, will you tell me your name?"

For the first time that night Olivia actually cracked a genuine smile. She didn't know where this stranger came from but his bubbly spirits were slowly getting to her, so she answered, "maybe."

"Alright, here we go. A man goes to the doctor and says, 'Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.' The doctor asks, 'What do you mean?' The man says, 'When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.' The doctor says, 'I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!'"

Olivia hadn't expected that outcome so she couldn't hold in the sound of laughter that slipped from her lips despite how corny the joke was.

Michael smiled and said, "Ahh… Much better. A beautiful woman as yourself should always be smiling."

Olivia shrugged and the smile was removed from her face.

"Want to hear another one?" He asked when he picked up on her hesitance to reciprocate his flirting.

"Wait a minute. How many jokes do you have?" she queried genuinely.

"A lot, actually, seeing that I'm a comedian."

"Really?" Olivia's eyes lit up. She'd never met a comedian in real life.

"Really… I can even tell you some dirty ones." He liked the way she got excited. "So how about that other joke, women-whose-name-I've-yet-to-know?"

Olivia laughed and told him to go ahead. She was going to find out if laughter was indeed the best medicine.

 _Fitz's POV_

It had been twenty minutes and Olivia had yet to return. Fitz was beginning to get worried that she'd left as he surveyed the room for her. Almost everyone was on the dance floor including his grandparents as they waltzed to the classic instrumental melody being played by the string quartet. He was beginning to feel agitated in his seat so he got up and went in search of his girlfriend. He first moved to the bathroom area but was unsuccessful in locating her, he then went to the bar area to no avail before his mind hinted at the balcony. Climbing the few stairs against the wall that would lead him there, he hoped that he would be successful in his findings. If not, he was prepared to expand his search area. The second he opened the heavy wooden door the sound of laughter greeted his ears. It was no ordinary laughter. It was his Livvie's. And from the sound of it, she found something very funny. A grin quickly formed on his lips because of her infectious laughter. But it was immediately removed when he recognized that she wasn't alone or with any one of their acquaintances. Instead, a strange man stood close to her while one of her hands was rested on the balcony railing and the other was on his forearm as she continued to laugh. Both were turned away from him so his presence wasn't yet revealed. He watched as the guy continued to whisper something that made his girlfriend laugh even harder. Seconds ticked away and the two were in their own cocoon of joy. That enraged Fitz; he couldn't stand to watch them any longer. Clearing his throat extremely loudly, he viewed as they pulled apart and turned to face him. Olivia's face was alarmed before it quickly turned cold when she realized who it was. Not being deterred by her countenance, he walked over to them and extended his hand to the strange man. "I don't think we've met. I'm Fitz, this beautiful woman's boyfriend."

He watched as the strange man's eyes darted to Olivia's whose own were blazing fire at him. "I'm Michael, nice to meet you," the man returned, refocusing his attention on Fitz. Fitz purposely ignored him and turned towards Olivia. "I was looking all over for you. Do you want to dance?"

"Actually, I'm ready to leave," her voice sounded controlled but irritated, the complete opposite of how she was a few seconds again.

"We can't leave as yet, there's still the silent auction results to be read."

Olivia sighed and stated slowly, "I am ready to leave." Her chocolate orbs bore into his cerulean blues challengingly. She was openly challenging him and he had no other choice but to acquiesce. "Okay."

Michael who was still standing there taking in the uncomfortable exchange saw a break in their conversation and said, "well, it was nice meeting you both," before scurrying towards the balcony door.

From her spot in front of Fitz, Olivia shouted, "my name is Olivia, by the way."

Michael stopped for a few seconds and smiled, "it was nice meeting you, Olivia."

 _Olivia's POV_

She knew it was petty but it felt so good just to rub her interaction with Michael into Fitz's face, even as innocent as it was. She was having a good time laughing her ass off at the silly jokes to ease her mind from the shit fest that has become her life but Fitz had to ruin it with his presence and his possessive nature, which she was pretty damn upset about. He had no right whatsoever to do what he did, in her opinion. After all, he was unfaithful, which trumped laughing at a guy's – who happened to be flirting with her – silly jokes any day of the week!

The second Michael had closed the door, her index finger was in his face as she snarled, "You had no fucking right to do what you just did?"

Fitz didn't budge at her snarl but stood his ground. "What are you talking about? I came outside and saw you with a guy I've never met, so I introduced myself. What's the big deal?" He rebutted nonchalantly, which only served to piss Olivia off even more.

"Don't be an idiot, Fitz! You're already a cheater!" _Fuck!_ She didn't mean to call him that but shit she was pissed. And it wasn't like she was mislabeling him, anyway. Just a tad bit of exaggeration may be in effect. "Don't play stupid with me!"

She wasn't the only one who got upset from words because Fitz's voice became elevated when he returned, "Are you serious right now? You said you were going to forgive me for what I did but you throw it in my face every minute? I'm trying here!"

 _Is he fucking kidding me?_ Olivia got right up in his space and shouted. "You wouldn't have to fucking try had you not cheated on me! You don't get to play the victim here!"

"I'm not playing a victim. I'm just trying to fix what I broke but you are shutting me out and then you're upset with me because I introduced myself as your boyfriend. What should I have said differently?" He asked genuinely and took a step back so that cooler heads can prevail.

"You don't get it do you?" Olivia chuckled humorlessly. "You don't understand how much you've hurt me. This hole you've made inside of my chest. You don't understand how much it fucking hurts. It hurts to breathe, ok? It hurts every waking moment because what you did to me is constantly on my mind. So excuse me if I chose to enjoy a moment of laughter with a stranger. Excuse me if I managed to hurt your fragile ego and ruffle your insecurities."

"That is not what I meant." His gaze penetrated intensely into hers.

Ignoring his pleading eyes, she continued, "Meanwhile, I'm over here drowning. I'm drowning in self-doubts because I want to know what I did to deserve such pain." Her voice cracked then and she took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.

"Livvie-"

"Don't call me that," she snapped. "I thought I could do this forgiveness thing but each day the pain gets worse and I just don't know anymore."

"Don't say that!" The panic in Fitz's voice was strong, so was his body language when he advanced to her and grabbed her hands in his.

Tears clouded her vision despite her struggle to keep it at bay – she really didn't want to cry. She had had enough of crying! She wanted answers so she demanded them, "Why did you cheat on me, Fitz?". She needed to know the heart of why he even thought of doing it moreover acted out on said thoughts. "Why would you hurt me this way?"

A strong wind whooshing by ruffled their clothing, lasting all of one second before it continued its merry way without a care. Asides from the honking of car horns below, the bustling sounds of people and the muted sound of the music from indoors, they were by themselves.

She watched as he hesitated for several seconds before finally opening his mouth to confess, "You had forgotten about my fortieth birthday and at the time I felt really unappreciated. I had come home early that night thinking that you had something special plan for us but you were still at work. I didn't say anything about it because I kept hoping you would acknowledge what I thought would be obvious, seeing that we've been together for so long. But the next day when I woke up and you hadn't said anything I chose not to bring it up, which I'm seeing now was the wrong move."

"So the day after my birthday when I went to work I saw a wrapped gift on my desk, again, thinking that you had something to do with it. But it wasn't from you. _She_ had given it to me."

Olivia sucked in her breath because she knew exactly who _she_ was. It was hard listening to this but she had to know for her sanity sake. She had to know.

"She has always been attentive to me and I've never realized it until the two of us had started being out of sync. It felt nice to have someone who was there and was actually listening to me. And I know sometimes work gets crazy busy for you, especially during fashion week and I'm not making any excuses for what I did. At the time it was nice to just have that break with someone because I was missing you and instead of reaching out to you I was just… I was just accepting attention from someone who wasn't you. I was being reckless."

She hadn't realized she was crying until she felt the tears running down her neck, but she couldn't wipe it away because Fitz still held her hands hostage. It was a hard pill to swallow listening to his confession but she was trying.

"In retrospect, I regret not talking to you. I should've never encouraged her and allowed what happened to happen. But once I was on that slippery road it was like I couldn't come off of it. The two of us needed some time alone but we were always so busy that it seemed to never happen. I was starved for affection and I wandered. I know it's cliché to say if I could turn back the hands of time and undo what I did, but I honestly would. One thing I didn't think about when I was being selfish was how much this was going to hurt you. Because if I had, it would've stopped me from the very beginning." He paused and released her right hand so that he could wipe the steady stream of tears that fell from her eyes. The tears she could no longer keep away

"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But, I'm begging you to please don't walk away from us. We can get couple's counseling or, whatever you think will fix us. I am willing to do anything, _except_ give you up."

 ** _REVIEW!_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary: One step forward is all it takes.**

 _Fitz's POV_

"Good evening, Miss Pope, Mr. Grant. What brings you here?" the tender voice asked.

Fitz almost scoffed at the rhetorical question because he was most certain that she'd read over their file before conducting their first couple's therapy session.

Their therapist, a middle-aged African American woman who favored Phylicia Rashad in appearance, saw the look on his face and clarified, "I know why you're here but it serves best to have you say why. Starting with you, Fitz." She gave him a reassuring smile.

Fitz cleared his throat and fidgeted slightly with the leather band of his watch as he tried to formulate words to answer her. Olivia, on the other hand, looked ahead at their therapist who was waiting with her pen firmly pressed against the blank sheet of white paper for his answer.

"I was..." he cleared his throat again before taking a deep breath. It was his idea to come and see a therapist but being there freaked him out for he felt like he was on the judgment seat waiting to be sentenced for all of his wrongdoings. He wasn't complaining but it was an honest assessment of how he felt.

"This is a safe space, Fitz," Dr. Dublin encouraged, seeing that he was struggling and he appreciated it.

He turned his attention back to Olivia who was looking anywhere but at him. She sat beside him looking so resolute and strong despite what he had put her through. If anyone deserved to come out of this happier was her and he owed it to her to give these sessions his all even if it pained him.

With a final deep breath, he stated, "I was unfaithful to my girlfriend and I'm here to fix it."

"That's a good place to start." Turning to Olivia, Dr. Dublin asked, "what do you hope to get out of these sessions, Olivia?"

Olivia was startled briefly at the mention of her name but quickly recovered. "Honestly, I have no expectations at the moment. I want to hope for the best but I'm also preparing for the worst."

Her words unintentionally stung Fitz but he did his best not to physically recoil in response.

"How does that make you feel?" Dr. Dublin asked picking up on Fitz's temperament.

Fitz shook his head and sighed before answering, "it makes me feel hurt, to be honest. I just want her to know that I'm gravely sorry for what I've done and I'm here willing to do anything to make it up. I just want to know that she won't give up on me in the process."

Before their therapist could intervene, Olivia said, "I cannot promise you that. You hurt me, Fitz." She stated in quiet surrender without any bitterness.

"And I want to fix it!" He shouted out in frustration which prompted Dr. Dublin to respond immediately.

"Okay, okay, wait a minute now, Fitz. Take a deep breath. Your reason for being here is very clear but please understand that once trust is broken, it takes time to rebuild, time to heal; and you cannot hurry up the process as much as you would want to. And from what I understand is that you want assurance that Olivia will not leave you, is this correct?"

Fitz bowed his head because the thought of her leaving him permanently devastated him from the inside out. He would feel as good as dead if that happened. Olivia was the best thing in his life and he just couldn't understand how he was foolish enough to toy with her. What was wrong with him? Was he the best thing fucking shit up?

"You want Olivia to promise you not to leave?" Dr. Dublin reiterated.

Fitz looked up and declared, "yes."

"Why is that so important to you? Isn't she being here good enough to assuage your worries?"

Fitz looked at Olivia who still wasn't looking at him. "At first it was but now she can't even look at me and I'm scared that she's realizing that what I did is unforgivable and-"

"What you did is _unforgivable_ ," Olivia echoed, her eyes still glued on Dr. Dublin. "But I want to forgive you. I want us to be us again but better. She paused and turned to face him for the first time since the therapy session began, looking keenly into his eyes. "I'm hurt, Fiz, so please don't ask for more than I can give you at the moment."

He swallowed in defeat, there was nothing he could do but wait. Coming to therapy was making him much more anxious than the one week since Olivia had moved out.

* * *

Thirty-four minutes later, they bid their therapist goodbye with the promise of seeing her in the next two days for their next session. They walked the hallway in silence until they got to the elevator. Once inside Fitz pressed the button to take them down to the lobby. Again, silence ensued in the almost empty carriage. Both spent from their one-hour long session.

"So, how have you been?" Fitz asked, breaking the silence.

Without missing a beat, Olivia returned, "I've been better. You?" Even though they stood side by side they could still make out each other's facial expressions in the mirror-ish glare of the steel doors.

The elevator doors dinged upon opening and Olivia made a quick exit before Fitz could've gotten his thoughts right to answer her question.

"Olivia," he called after her retreating body. Her slender figure cloaked in a simple wine colored sheath dress paired with brown wooden heel sandals. She looked breathtaking as usual and it served to remind him of her strength and resilience in the face of adversity. She stopped long enough for him to catch up with her. From habit, he placed his hand on her lower back as he guided her through the revolving door of the building and kept it there long after they were on the outside. "I was hoping that I can take you out for dinner tomorrow."

Olivia turned towards him ignoring the tingling feeling his hand produced on her lower back. "Let me think about it."

Fitz took a deep breath, something he seemed to do a whole lot as of late, a coping mechanism that also served as a reminder not to rush things. It was proving harder because all he wanted was to move over this hurdle with Olivia as selfish as it sounded. Despite his internal struggles, he replied, "okay."

A few seconds later, George pulled up curbside but before Olivia could enter the car, Fitz pulled her into a hug. It was hard being so close to her without the ability to touch her, it physically ached knowing that they were no longer on those terms. But for just one moment, he held her and pretended that what he did was only a bad nightmare. He breathed her in deeply and whispered, "I love you so much, baby." But their time soon ended and he released her, watching as she gracefully entered the black town car but before she closed the car door, she returned, "I love you, too." He stood motionless as he watched the car drove off with his heart. For the first time since the night of the gala, the night that she'd chosen to take some space for herself, he could breathe.

 ** _Flashback_**

 _"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But, I'm begging you to please don't walk away from us. We can get couple's counseling or, whatever you think will fix us. I am willing to do anything, *except give you up."_

 _Olivia listened as he poured out his heart and as much as she wanted to believe him and forgive him she felt even more betrayed. His reason for cheating sounded weak and it made her angrier. To the point where she didn't want to talk to him moreover look at him. "So that's it?" she questioned, pulling her hands out of his grip. "That's it? Someone stroked your ego a few times and you forget about me? Am I that replaceable to you?"_

 _"No, no. That is not what I meant. That is not what I was trying to say," he responded defensively._

 _"It sounded like I wasn't a good enough girlfriend to you."_

 _"That's not true and this is not your fault, Livvie, it's mine. I did it. I'm the one to blame here."_

 _Olivia was feeling confused and very emotional, it was like a wall had gone up and she wasn't registering anything he was saying anymore, so she stepped back from him and held up her hand to stop him from following. "I need space, Fitz, I'm leaving."_

 _"What you mean you're leaving?" Fitz ignored her and advanced towards her._

 _"I mean I am moving out. I can't put myself through this anymore with you. It's too much," she sobbed. "Please don't," she cried when he wrapped his arm around her waist. "Don't make it harder than it has to be. I'm going to go stay with Nicole and I would appreciate if you respect my space. Don't!" Olivia wiggled herself out of his grip. Nicole was right maybe she was only fooling herself into forgiveness. Fitz had annihilated her trust and she didn't see that being repaired anytime soon._

 _Fitz got down on his knees in his Armani suit and begged her to stay but instead of a response he watched as she walked away._

 _He showed her his scars but she still walked away_

* * *

 _Olivia's POV_

Olivia directed George to her sister's apartment but before they could make it there a call from her mother diverted their plans and they rerouted their destination to her parent's address. When Olivia got there she was greeted with her mother cooking dinner while her father was out. The two ladies conversed over a glass of red wine while her mother's lamb shepherd pie was baking in the oven.

In between catching up on current events, Olivia noticed her mother giving her that 8look, the one she avoided receiving. "I know Fitz hurt you, baby," her mother began.

Olivia was going to kill her sister for not keeping her big mouth shut! "Mom-" Olivia started, dropping her eyes to her drink, she didn't want to do this but Celine interrupted, "I know you didn't want me to know and God bless your sister for keeping it a secret for so long because we both know she can't hold water in her mouth but baby, I want you to know that I am here for you and I know too well how you're feeling."

Olivia looked up from her wine glass to study her mother then. The woman she'd looked up to all of her life.

"I never wanted you, girls, to know about this but there was a time before you were born when your father had an affair."

Olivia's eyes widen, unable to reconcile her father with a trait of a cheater. He was the most loyal person she knew.

"Yea, that Marley wasn't always husband of the year," Celine joked. After so much time had passed she was able to talk about a painful time in her life without any grief.

"How did you forgive him?" Olivia asked after composing her scattered thoughts.

Celine stretched her hand across the clean surface of the countertop and grabbed ahold of her daughter's. "Time and love are the only two ingredients that can heal a broken heart. I didn't force myself to forgive him because too often we do not allow our hearts to process things on its own. You, have to give yourself time to come to grips with. And, in the end, love is the deciding factor in all of this. If love is there at the end of it all it is easier to forgive. Love allows for forgiveness."

For the next hour or so Olivia unloaded her burdens onto her mother. She didn't know how much restoration could've come out of that process because in the end she truly felt better knowing that someone understood the hurt and the confusion betrayal caused. A newer and deeper understanding was birthed between mother and daughter. And by the time Olivia made it back to her sister's she didn't want to kill her anymore. Instead, she focused on the positive. She grabbed her phone and texted the contact still stored as HoneyBun: Yes, for dinner.

 ** _Review!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: It's been** foreeeeeever **and I think I've lost my touch. I can't recall most of the plots for my stories. *facepalm* but I'm rereading them to get refamiliarize. Nevertheless, hope you enjoy this update! They're on their dinner date.**

 **Olivia's POV**

As she made her way through the double doors of the upscale restaurant, pleasant aromas of food wafted through the air in greeting along with the quiet chatters of dining patrons. The clock on the wall read 8:10 PM, reminding her of her deliberate tardiness but that didn't interrupt her slow saunter towards the young bright maître d. After giving the hostess the name on the reservation, Olivia was led towards the back of the restaurant to a private seated area. There her eyes laid on him and his on hers.

He immediately stood upon their arrival and took out her chair. The maître d bid them a pleasant meal before leaving their presence and shortly after, a waiter took their drinks order. The two hadn't exchanged a word only their eyes spoke.

Olivia had to admit that he looked incredible that evening, dressed in a simple modern fit monochromatic black suit with a crisp white button-down shirt sans a tie. His signature fragrance filled her nostrils, making her nostalgic for the times when she would envelop her body around him and inhale his scent unashamedly. _It was unfair, truly… that he still looked and smelt good. Shouldn't he be sporting a large Pinocchio nose for telling lies and smelling like a fox for being deceptive?_ She mused, internally seething.

Despite everything, she found herself still attracted to him. Emotions were like a car with faulty breaks, difficult to stop.

"You look very beautiful," he spoke for the first time, his heartfelt words intruded her wayward thoughts.

"Thanks," a tight smile curved the corners of her lips in response. Nevertheless, she was glad he noticed because she did put some work into looking good tonight. Not for him, she had told herself, but for her. Wearing a figure-hugging red pencil dress with small ruffled cap sleeves and a ruffled design down the lower left-side front of the dress paired with her signature leopard print Jimmy Choo pumps, she felt beautiful. Even her hairstyle had changed after a visit from her hairstylist earlier in the day. Instead of her usual weaves, she sported long cascading ombre brown and dark blonde box braids styled in a half up and half down fashion. It was a change from her usual but a change she embraced nonetheless.

"I like what you did with your hair," he complimented again, to which she replied with another weak smile despite her rapidly beating heart. She came to this "date" believing that she would be able to sit through a meal with him without feeling anything, but that wasn't true. He was affecting her. His compliments made her feel cautiously giddy and at the same time upset because the ever lurking though of his deception lingered. _Did he compliment her too?_

Fortunately, their drinks arrived and released her from her despondent thoughts. However, more silence filled the air as they sipped their cocktails. Olivia could tell that Fitz was just as if not, more nervous than her. She knew that stemmed from her hesitance to fully move forward with him during their first couple counseling the day prior. But that was something she just couldn't give to him that moment. She was giving herself time to feel and to heal.

Swallowing the mixture of gin, vermouth Rosso, and Campari, she asked, "So how was your day?"

He swiftly responded, "It was okay. I didn't go into the office today."

Olivia's eyebrows lifted at his revelation. "So what did you do?"

"Read," he admitted coyly, taking a mouthful of his whiskey.

She was genuinely curious because if it didn't involve work or current events he did not read, so she questioned, "What did you read?"

A sheepish grin marred his face when he answered, "Swing Time."

"Oh." Flummoxed, her lips remained in the form of an O. So he was reading her books. " _Interesting_ … How did you end up reading that?"

"I saw it on your nightstand half opened so I thought why not give it a shot?"

Olivia didn't know what to say to his admission. She was genuinely shocked that he did because it was truly out of character for him.

"I read the entire book and I can't believe -," he boasted.

Raising both hands, she interrupted, "don't tell me any details about the book, I haven't finished it as yet."

He grinned and mimicked closing his lips like a zipper, figuratively locking it and throwing away the keys. Olivia chuckled at his antics, an authentic smile gracing her face for the first time that evening.

Their waiter returned for their order and Fitz relayed perfectly what she wanted despite her not telling him. They've visited the restaurant in the past and while a small part of her wanted to reject his choices, a big part was pleased to see that he still knew her.

Her mood improved considerably after that and they fell into a comfortable banter. Talking about mundane things such as the latest episode of their favorite shows, which carried them through their first course of cucumber filled crab and their second course of seared lamb chops with Dijon mustard and herbs. Olivia hadn't consciously realized that she was eating off of his plate because it was something she often did since his food "tasted" better than hers, a habit she knew secretly annoyed Fitz but he pacified her anyways.

Their cocktails were replaced by a bottle of red wine, which was already past the halfway mark. Good conversation, great food, and an impeccably tasting wine had them in high spirits. Anyone looking in on the two would never suspect that something was amiss. In that moment they were truly happy. She was truly happy.

"And why didn't Cy call you?" She probed lightly, engaging in the story.

"Because he's a stubborn mule."

Olivia's cheeks hurt from laughing so much and she prayed her mascara wouldn't smear from all the runny eyes she'd had to pat dry throughout the night. She'd forgotten how downright silly Fitz was. It was actually one of the things she loved about him. So many didn't get his sarcastic humor but since she shared a similar trait she got him so much. She got him. The reminder sobered her because she was unsure if she "got" him now.

* * *

 _Fitz's POV_

Fitz noticed the change in her mood and scaled back on his regaling tale of their friend's run-in with the police. Running his index and thumb fingers down the delicate stem of the wine glass, he said, "thank you for coming to dinner. You have no idea how happy I am that you came." He paused, looking away briefly before refocusing his attention on her. "Our home hasn't been the same without you. I miss you so much." It was the truth. He was driving himself crazy without her. Doing things that she normally did as a way to feel connected to her but they were all just temporary distractions. He was expecting her to answer but they were interrupted when their waiter returned with a warm plate of chocolate mousse.

He debated asking her if she missed him, however, remembering what their therapist said about his forcefulness so instead, he tempered it and watched as she took the first scoop of the sweet decadent, bringing it to her mouth. Mesmerized by how her pink glossy lips parted to take in the bite. "Good?" he wondered aloud.

"Delicious," she answered with a barely contained moan, which Fitz tried to ignore because a moaning Olivia led to other thoughts, and it didn't help that he was skirting on the tipsy line.

After they'd consume their dessert, Fitz took care of the tab and they were ready to leave the restaurant.

On their way out the door, Fitz was pleasantly surprised when Olivia suggested they go for a walk.

Thirty minutes later, they found themselves strolling in Central Park. Despite it only being a Tuesday night, the park was littered with other walkers.

They'd only been walking for five minutes when Olivia cried, "My feet are killing me." Fitz smirked at the ridiculously tall shoes she insisted on wearing, albeit it made her legs sexier if that was possible.

Luckily, a bench was in viewing a few feet away so they ambled towards it instead of continuing their stroll. They sat in silence a few inches apart, people watching. Couples strolled hand in hand while friends carried on lively conversations.

The weather was perfect, a high 60s or possible low 70s, if Fitz had to guess. It was just the right coolness where you didn't need a jacket, but knowing that Olivia had a tendency to grow cold easily because of her iron deficiency, unhesitant, he shrugged out of his suit jacket and draped it around her slender shoulders.

"Thank you." She smiled.

"No problem," he countered. It was great to see her smile again. Smoothing the front of his shirt, Fitz asked, "So how are you really doing…uh… considering…um… everything?" He couldn't remember asking her that and he figured then was a good enough time to have a real conversation despite it shining him in an unfavorable light.

Olivia breathed deeply before turning to face him. "Surprisingly, ok. I'm still breathing," she quipped.

"Liv, I'm so sorry-"

"Fitz, stop. I know you're sorry you don't have to keep saying it. I hear you," she sighed.

He nodded. "I just feel like you're not believing me and that's my fault. I did this to us but I need you to know that I will do everything to get us back to us."

Olivia returned, "do you think that's a good idea?" She probably noticed the alarmed expression on his face because she quickly added, "getting back to us, the way we were? Maybe that isn't a good idea since something was clearly wrong with us, to begin with."

"Nothing was wrong with us," he countered evenly but her raised eyebrow caused him to modify his statement. "Nothing was wrong with you." She still gave him the "bullshit look".

"Humor me for a second." Olivia leaned forward, tugging his jacket tighter.

"Sure."

"Had it been me who stepped out, would you have forgiven me? Would we even be here sitting in this park together?"

Fitz wasn't prepared for her question and didn't have a ready answer. He was a very jealous man when it came to Olivia and he honestly didn't know if he could handle such betrayal. The mere thought alone almost knocks the wind out of his chest.

Seeing him struggle to answer her question, Olivia simply stated, "I figured…"

Fitz spoke up then, hoping to put his feelings into words. "I could lie to you and tell you that I would be okay but I'm not going to do that. I'm through lying to you." He paused, running his open palms unhurriedly down the front of his pants, stopping at his knee. "The truth is, Livvie, you're stronger than me. Bigger than me and-and… I wouldn't survive something like that. The thought alone makes me feel murderous towards the guy who'd dare touch you so I can only begin to imagine how you're feeling." He hoped he didn't come off sounding even more like a douche because all he wanted to be in that moment was honest. "Besides, I'd probably be in jail for murder so we won't be sitting here in central park right now," he tried lightening the moment.

Olivia cracked a smile, shaking her head good-naturedly. "Now, that's the Fitz I know."

"That's me…" he echoed, staring into her beautiful almond-shaped eyes. It still baffled him that he easily betrayed her when she did nothing but be loyal to him. He could blame it on the alcohol but the truth was it had to do with him. What kind of monster dwelled beneath the surface, laying in wake to ruin every good thing in his life? He needed to figure it out and fast. A one-time lapse in judgment may be forgivable but a repeated offense was not.

"You know yesterday when you asked me out to dinner I was so skeptical, wondering what we could possibly talk about but I'm glad I came. If nothing else, I'm learning that forgiveness takes strength. And while I can't be with you right now, I know in my heart that I can forgive you. But it's the forgetting that is the hardest part. Maybe one day in the future I won't feel any pain when I remember this and god knows I wish I was already there because I hate feeling this way. I miss us, I miss you. But... I feel this hole in my heart and it just makes me feel inadequate, angry and sad, very sad."

Fitz listened as she poured out her heart, painful words she shouldn't have had to utter, and sincerely wishing he possessed the power to time travel to undo his mistakes. But it was all wishful thinking because here he was very possibly and deservedly, about to lose the only woman he truly loved.

Olivia surprised him a second time that night when she reached for his hand. "I just want to be happy."

Her admission sobered him because he knew he was making her anything but happy. The quote 'if _you love someone let them go...'_ " invaded his thoughts. Maybe that's what needed to happen. The thought crushed his chest, making it difficult to breathe. His hand instantly tightening around hers, a physical response to hold onto her; and in one swooping motion, he wrapped his free hand around her waist and lifted her into his lap.

He was relieved when she didn't resist his hold but instead snuggled into his chest. He was barely above a whisper, "Giving up is so hard to do when you love someone. And I need you to believe me when I say that I love you, Olivia. I love you, baby."

He shuffled a bit so that their faces were mere inches away, long forgotten that they were out in public. Up close her face was even more beautiful. The delicate curve of her lashes, framing her expressive eyes and the high rise of her cheekbones drew him in. He had to mentally shake himself from his trance-like desire and focus on what he was about to say. "If you need time to explore other options," an audible gulp escaped his lips. He couldn't believe he was saying this but it was only fair. "I'll wait for you."

Olivia snickered and threw her head back, an airy giggle left her lips. Fitz frowned, hadn't expected such a reaction. His heart was in his throat and she was laughing at his proposal. "What?" he urged when her laughter grew ceaseless. "What's so funny?"

"You," she said in between chuckle. "You giving me permission to get over you by getting with another guy."

"Wait a minute, I didn't say all of that now."

"But it was implied," she retorted, her laughter abated much. With their hands still joined, Olivia yanked on his a little to get his undivided attention. "Look, I understand and believe that you are truly remorseful for your actions. I get that. But time is the only healing factor for us. Going out with another guy is not going to be a solution for what we are going through. While it may be a good temporary distraction it still doesn't fix us. And I don't want that. I fell in love with you for a reason and I'm not giving up on us. I love you, Fitz, and this is why I'm here fighting. Time is what I need to heal."

Fitz nodded, feeling a warmth spread across his chest. "I don't deserve you, but I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

He pulled her into his chest, her head settling perfectly against his neck with a silent promise to make her happy.

 **Hope you enjoyed the update. I truly feel lost writing again. I miss it so much but it'll take me some time getting used to again since it's been such a long while. Hope everyone is doing good. Leave a review if you can. Until next time, XO.**


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